Added: Katie Rathjen - Date: 02.01.2022 23:03 - Views: 11739 - Clicks: 3497
My boyfriend and I would often joke around by play wrestling, from the start of our relationship, like if we were cuddling in bed and I wanted to get up earlier, he'd wrestle me back into bed. Or on the beach, he'd pick me up and carry me around and joke that he'd dunk me in the water. Stuff that we both found fun; I never felt like he was being too pushy or doing it when I seriously wasn't in the mood.
We've been together for about 3 years and this has been our dynamic the whole time. About 6 months ago, I started at a martial arts gym that has kick boxing, krav, and bjj, and I've been going to classes a lot. I try to go to the gym 4 or 5 days a week. I'm small but the instructions are good at teaching us to work with what we got, and I've gotten pretty good at throwing my whole weight behind what I do, and leveraging my body to put a lot of power behind anything.
Plus just working girlfriend wrestles boyfriend physics to make yourself as hard to push around as possible. Learning to take a hit without loosing my footing, to weasel my way out of holds. It's fun learning what does and doesn't work on someone way bigger. Even though wasn't why I started at my gym, I started getting really good at holding my own when my boyfriend and I were play wrestling.
When he'd try to pin me in bed, I can usually get out pretty quick. I was still having fun with that, I felt proud of myself generally. For using the stuff I was leaning outside of the class and having it work. And my boyfriend would pout about me pushing my way out of bed or whatever but I always thought he meant that in a playful way. Well, some of what I was learning, obviously I left out the punching and kicking haha. Recently, my boyfriend and I went camping with a bunch of friends and we were all laying around on beach blankets around the fire and drinking.
My boyfriend playfully grabbed me from behind when I was getting up to get beers, and I was able to shove him in the stomach with my elbow then grab his jaw and push upwards leaving him off balance imagine girlfriend wrestles boyfriend pez dispenser. Our friends were laughing about it and calling me "street fighter" and stuff, and I played up the joke, doing a couple kicks at the air when I went to get drinks. I thought we were just playing, we'd play wrestled like that for basically our whole relationship.
So I didn't really make the connection as to why my boyfriend seemed to be in a bad mood when I got back. We kept drinking and later that night my boyfriend said that he didn't like how I took it "too seriously" when he was just playing around. And it was crappy of me to do stuff like stick my pointy elbows at him and such. And just generally use stuff I'd learned at the gym on him. He said it wasn't as fun or flirty as before I started at the gym. I said that even back then, I'd tried to wrestle back, I just didn't know what I was doing so I'd mainly flail around and shove instead of anything that works.
And yeah it turns out he misses when he could overpower me like that. I said that I wasn't about to fake it, and that if he wanted to he should me at the gym sometime. And he wasn't a fan of that, he said it wasn't fun if we'd be taking it too seriously. I said that I couldn't just fake not knowing how to push back, and if it wasn't fun anymore we didn't have to do it anymore. And since then, our intimacy has suffered and I girlfriend wrestles boyfriend that's why.
I also feel a little weird that he only enjoyed it when he could push me around and then once we were on more equal footing him being bigger and stronger but me having better technique he no longer thought it was fun. I don't know if that should bother me as much as it does but it feels like he prefers me weak. Can I have some advice on how to get our playfulness and intimacy back?
And whether I should be feeling so weird about things Our intimacy and playfulness in our relationship is suffering and I also feel weird about the fact that he seemed to prefer me weak. I agree with a comment below that says you two are thinking fundamentally differently about what the play fighting is. You seem to think it's a competition, and that it's about winning or "holding your own.
It doesn't seem like it was ever about him being able to overpower you, but with your newfound skills, I imagine it's just sort of taken the fun out of it for him. If I wanted to playfully pull my partner back to bed for a few minutes and they used a move they learned on me at the gym to get out of it, not only would it feel not flirty, it would feel like rejection. You've gotten a bit defensive about people saying you didn't need to use self defense moves on your partner in the instance in front of his friends, but I think this is a really great example of how you guys see things differently.
He "playfully" grabbed your waist, and girlfriend wrestles boyfriend resulted in you doing something that got you called street fighter. He probably just wanted some playful physical contact with you, and you did a "street fighter" move. If you've managed to read this far, I want to clarify that I don't necessarily think your feelings are wrong. There's a lack of context here. If you guys are play fighting in a competitive way and it was always him winning and pinning you and you saying uncle, then sure, he's being a grouch.
But based on everything you've described, he sees it as very playful, and you see it as a competition and like he was trying to dominate you. Communicate with him! To me it always felt competitive, I'd always push back with everything I had, ever since we first started dating. But back then, I was just flailing and shoving and grabbing his hair not really knowing what I was doing. Maybe it didn't feel competitive for him because he hadn't had to try quite so hard but I was always giving it my all.
My boyfriend playfully grabbed me from behind when I was getting up to get beers, and I was able to shove him in the stomach with my elbow then grab his jaw and push upwards leaving him off balance. Once is fun and cute and the other is more like actual fighting. I imagine he's feeling like you're taking the "play" out of play wrestling. He's trying to have fun, and you're using serious martial arts moves on him. Play wrestling has been one of the ways that you two bond and flirt, but now you've started turning it into a competition.
You might not think that's what you're doing, but by immediately throwing him off you or forcing his head around until he lets you go, you're taking away the fun closeness of it. He's feeling like you're rebuffing his attempts at flirting with you. Have you ever been in a situation where you tried to share something you like with someone, like a game, and they ended up being super competitive and it ruined the fun for everyone else?
Because everyone else played for fun instead of playing to win? That's how your boyfriend feels. He's trying to have fun, and you're trying to win. So lighten up a bit on the martial arts when you're with him. It isn't that he doesn't want you to be strong, it's more that you're ruining the game he loves sharing with you. One of the things you should be learning is how to gauge how much your putting into moves. Your move from being grabbed from behind sounds a little extreme.
There is play wrestling and then there is i threw a knock out combo. You kinda by the way described it threw a knock out. That's not wrestling, and doesn't sound at all playful. Honestly, I can see why you'd be concerned about the possibility that he'd only enjoy play wrestling if he was winning, but I'm not getting that vibe from how he has consistently described his complaints as you taking this "too seriously". Couples who engage in "play fighting" in a healthy way just to clarify that I don't mean "one partner calls girlfriend wrestles boyfriend 'play fighting' but it's actually just abuse" scenarios have all kinds of different boundaries for what counts as "play fighting", but the general definition is usually that it involves doing things that don't rely on causing pain to function.
Sure, there's exceptions to this, and I've known couples who were both heavily into the MMA-style training like you are who put each other in submission holds as part of "play fighting", but that was something that they'd both consented to and both enjoyed. In this context, no, it's not "like that" for your entire relationship, unless your boyfriend had also typically administered strikes or pain-compliance holds in your play wrestling.
This is where the "too seriously" aspect comes in - it may or may not be a form of insecurity for him that you're now "better" at wrestling than he is, but he's not exactly using martial arts techniques on you when he's play wrestling. There's a difference between uncoordinated grabs and basically just wiggling against each girlfriend wrestles boyfriend, and trying to "win" the contest. To be entirely blunt, you used techniques on him that are deed to cause pain in order to escape holds and reposition an opponent into a more vulnerable position - the equivalent would be something like if he had approached you with a rear naked choke instead of "playfully grabbing" as per your own description you.
You made a point of changing things, thats why they have changed. Everyone's probably gonna downvote the shit outta this but fuck it. Here's a guys perspective. By making it "competitive" you're putting him in a terrible position,just so you can feel good about yourself and feel empowered. It's a lose lose for him. It's not about you being able to "hold your own". Put the humble brag aside for a second and put yourself in this dudes shoes.
Switch to tickle fights or something. You emasculated him in front of his friends, and that was probably the catalyst for resentment that's been building for awhile. For him it was just for fun and a way to tease you, and now you're throwing elbows and grabbing his face to escape what are supposed to be sexy and playful holds. I don't know if it's prefers you 'weak' so much as maybe he likes when you submit to him a bit.
He likes being able to grab you and play with you that way. He likes being able to pin you down and keep you in bed with him. He likes being able to pick you up and have you feel safe with him and trust him. EDIT: Also, there was no reason to use self-defense moves on your boyfriend for playfully grabbing you from behind.
You likely physically hurt him. You might want to look at yourself and figure out why you feel the need to use self-defense moves against your boyfriend when you are not physically threatened. And this is coming from girlfriend wrestles boyfriend who actually spars with their SO. I talked to him about it and whether it's because anything I do hurts, and I'm sure that's not it. I don't know if I explained it well, but what I did that time was a way to pull someone off balance, not to hurt them.
The problem is you both are interpreting the play fighting in very different ways.Girlfriend wrestles boyfriend
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My boyfriend (30m) and I (25f) always play wrestled. He stopped enjoying it once I started being able to hold my own, and I feel weird about that.